Entirety of 2016 Olympics Revealed To Be Prank!
When the 2016 Olympics were revealed to be taking place in Rio, many voiced their concerns due to the troubling nature of the surrounding area, both political and environmental.
As the Olympics went on, these fears were found to be well-founded, due to reports of American swimmer Ryan Lochte lying about being robbed as a cover for his messing around, numerous athletes being outed as gay by The Daily Beast, a portal to The Dimension Of Suffer opening above Rio, and Michael Phelps no longer being the most important swimmer in America.
However, all these previously assumed-to-be well-founded fears turned out to be a manufacturing of the International Olympic Committee. Well, except for the portal to The Dimension Of Suffer opening above Rio. That was real.
Charles Olympic, the father of the original Olympics and head of the IOC, released a statement today saying this: “My fellow inhabitants of the Earth, I am aware that many of you were fearful of the Rio Olympics because so much shit was happening around it. Like, super crazy shit. But guess what? It was all a prank! Except for the demonic portal to The Dimension Of Suffer. That was real and totally my bad. Sorry guys.”
The succinct report does not say why the IOC decided to let this happen, but now it’s evident that we no longer have anything to worry about. A white American male escaping responsibility for the strife he caused in a foreign country? Nope! Not an issue. Numerous gay and lesbian athletes having to return to countries where their orientation could mean imprisonment or death? A non-issue, it turns out. Having to cope with the fact that a black female was a better swimmer in all regards than America’s favorite white dude? Nope! He’s still the best swimmer ever.
Although, we do still have that ominous portal to The Dimension Of Suffer floating above Rio, spilling out painful liquids and disorienting tones that induce vomiting in anyone who hears them. However, we can rest assured that anything of real consequence that happened in the Rio Olympics is actually something we no longer have to worry about because now we have something else to take up our attention.
Special thanks to E_Russett!